Cribs

Well, we converted the cribs into toddler beds today. Jack has become a skillful crib climber in recent weeks, and the wife was afraid he might somehow hurt himself. He and I know the truth, however; Jack is indeed invincible. But in order to placate the wife, I removed the railing and made the cribs more easily accessible for both of our toddler twins.

In the process, I learned a few things. First, I must be getting older, because after two years I still had the instructions for the cribs. I also referred to them before beginning the task and found them quite useful, which I never would have done when I was young. I would like to add that I am not yet old enough to become completely stupefied by the instructions, but I must acknowledge that at some point in the future an instruction booklet may leave me disoriented and confused beyond reason. I am merely older, not yet old.

Secondly, toddlers are hard on consumer products. I followed the instruction manual's directions and checked for loose screws, only to find that every screw had become loose and that a few of them had backed out completely. I shouldn't have been at all surprised, considering the daily torture inflicted upon those cribs by my children's feverish bouncing. Still, I should perhaps be thankful that the sound of squeaking bed springs in the middle of the night doesn't yet alarm me. Twelve years from now, I'm sure it will send me running for my shotgun and place quite a strain on my relationship with my precious Ella. I am reminded that these are the good times.

We also took the opportunity to clean under and behind the cribs, a task that we obviously don't do often enough. We had to empty the vacuum cleaner halfway through the mission. Items found included: trains, balls, dryer sheets, pajama bottoms, hair clips, books, clothes hangers, and one sippy cup containing a microcosm so ancient and advanced that it actually scoffed at us for still burning fossil fuels and emitting greenhouse gasses.

The result of this endeavor was actually quite predictable. Jack, the consummate napper, found his way into the toddler bed and nodded off to sleep without incident, cuddled up with Mister Bear and shrouded in his favorite blue blanket, pointer and index finger of his left hand securely in his mouth where they belong like a sword in a scabbard. Ella, the Sandman scorner, played and played, fighting and railing against sleep for as long as she could, until her vigilance wore off and unconsciousness overtook her in the middle of the floor as she clutched her pink blanket and covered her red head with her favorite book.

And so it goes that another milestone has come to pass. We have foregone the cribs and opted for big kid beds. It seems like yesterday that they were turning over for the first time, and then getting teeth, but now this. When did they get so big? How did they grow so fast? At this rate, they'll be off to college in the blink of an eye. Which reminds me, I'd better get some shells for that old shotgun before it's too late.